Army Chief's Age Row.

Frankly, this issue is beyond my understanding. The present Army Chief claims that his year of birth is 1951 and not 1950. And he has gone to the court to get this matter settled. But then i wonder what stopped him from taking the same actions before????

I dont believe that any officer is so naive enough to not bother about fixing his incorrectly mentioned date of birth. And if he has brought up this issue after he has become the Chief and that he has some ulterior motives in doing so... i fail to agree that he had been scheming and plotting about this for the past 10-15 years!!! Imagine, having a reminder in his mobile reminding him of digging up this issue when he is in a position of supreme authority!!! It just seems so unlikely.

But then what is this all about??? A man of his caliber and position wont ideally just cook up a thing like this. And had this happened without the world knowing about it, then it was fine. But now every tom, dick and harry(me included) is talking about this and commenting on it....

The issue has made me doubt the chief and doubt this whole matter which has been so damn publicised by the media....

I demand the whole truth or nothing at all. Its that simple.

Movies Movies Movies....

Oh i love movies!! i just love them!! When i see an amazing movie, it just does something to me. cant explain what exactly happens. the varied topics, the beautiful picturization, the mindblowing way of portrayng the minutest of emotions felt by us mortals......

its an art, a skill, a religion according to me!!

i so wish that before i die, i am able to make a movie or write a book. but who would want to read what i want to write or who would want to see what i want to show in a movie...??..

but nonedless, i would love to make a movie, one that would be remembered for its subject and the way it is handled. i want to stay alive in this world through my movie or my book.

:) if wishes had wings.......

and yet... i just wish.....

bad with the bad and good with the good?????

agar tumhe koi thappad maaree, to gussa hone ke bajaay, tum unke saamne apna dusra gaal badha dena......

gandhiji was great i guess.

but i am not. or am i???????

life has given me everything. i am lucky and blessed for the kind of life i have been given. i should be the last person on earth who should be cribbing about things. but, i am not a perfect person, am i now? and hence, i too hv fights, i too get majorly pissed with some people, i too want to sort it out with the people i hv had fights and arguments with. i am just a normal, average person. i guess, i am allowed to go through such thoughts. :)

it pains me, and it makes my blood boil to have to agree and to have to respect a senseless leader. diplomacy is a trait that is missing within me. i guess one of these days, i will have to learn that art too. but havent been able to master it yet. not yet...

i have taken the difficult route of speaking my mind and making it amply clear that i cannot be taken for granted. and that has cost me and my family. but i would rather go through this than having to be taken for granted....

today i got out of my 'irritated for being treated badly' state and went out and called up the people who had behaved badly with me. i called them up to congratulate them on their anniversary. i know fully well that my gesture wouldnt be appreciated. i know fully well that they wont take my step in the right spirit. but i have done what i felt was ..... ME. so hell with what they feel or to hell if they doubt my intentions...

IT GAVE ME A KICK BY BEING GOOD TO THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN BAD TO ME!!!!!!

TO HELL WITH IT...........

2010....

The later part of this year taught me a very important lesson. A lesson that only life can teach one.
I learnt that one has to be diplomatic in relationships....
Till now, I always believed that in relationships as close as a husband and wife's relation, one should just be open and free. I believed that communication was a key to a happy relationship. Alas, I was wrong. I understood that even if I felt a particular thing, its not a very good idea to just blurt it out. That I should keep it in my heart, ponder over it and the best thing to do with it was to keep it to myself....
I think in my head, I live in an ideal world. A world which believes in virtues like honesty, sincerity, hardwork and truth. That world inside me believes in love that lasts forever and a love that is selfless and pure. It may be that of a brother and sister or a husband and wife.

It hurts me to know that I need to diplomatic in relationships. It really does hurt me a lot. I wish things were different. I wish all was more open and pure. I wish.....

Questions my heart asks and my head cant ans....

Why do we have to be diplomatic even when it comes to relations between one's spouse, one's parents, one's cousins.....
Whats the harm in calling a spade a spade?? What if i open my heart to the people who are close to me? Why should i think twice before opening up to the closest people in my life? I get a feeling that one is alone, no matter how loving one's family is, no matter how caring they are... one is always alone, always.
Why is it so difficult to take decisions? Why does one person work so hard at a relationship and the other just doesnt care? Why should one have to stay in a relationship if one is not appreciated, loved??
I hate being taken for granted. i hate being there all the time without any appreciation, love and care. I am tired of expecting all the time, and receiving very little in return.
Why should i have to explain the meaning and depth of a family to someone? Why should i take the pains of going thru this when the other person seems least interested?????
i guess its love that binds all this. i guess, its nothing but sheer, selfless love that has kept me going. Alone i am but am still at it and i just dont seem to have the heart to break free.......

I am knocking on a door that i know wont open....

i remember the time when i was continuously ridiculed by any and everyone.
I distinctly remembering that i was a good for nothing.
That part of my life has screwed up my life for good i think.
And i still dread that time.
But something tells me that its that time again......

I either go through it somehow or its the end for me.
I need to get a hold of myself. I need to control my life.
I need to set my priorities right.
I just need to live, thats all.
Big questions in my mind right now.
Big questions with no answers, if there are answers to the questions, they are somewhere in the future.
I will be going on a road that i dont know the destination to...
there are a million things that my heart is dealing with right now.
one cant possibly imagine wat is going on in my head at the moment.
one thing is sure.....
i have to do something.
otherwise i will go mad.
i know i will....
the question is whether i can survive this....

i need to stop knocking at a door that wont open...

move on, move on, move on.........