Children Are So Pure....

mWhat I am about to write here is a mail sent by a student. This was sent after I left the school. I am not putting this mail to show off anything more than trying to establish how a child's mind works. She happened to have a bit of a tough time at school for having acted like a child. And the question she asked me was ---- "Cant I ever be a child?"
You give them love and you get it back.......
She studies in Grade 8 right now. Here is the email she wrote to me. The reply I wrote to her follows her mail.

hey!
long time no see! how are u managing with the pups and yana? guess what! iv got a kind of revelation (if i may use that word).......
It was torture to let you go (not that we could do anything about it!) and before we could adjust to your absence we got this new teacher who is SO different from you. We cursed the management for making her our class teacher and everybody disliked her.The 7th sympathised with us on our bad luck (what else would one call it other than extreme bad luck?) and we found our history lessons WAY too boring (since she was teaching it). It seemed like she was bringing down everything u made and i don't mean the charts! Her rules started to seem crazy.....she was the worst! we all had a tough time trying to adjust to her. For me everything started going downhill from the time you left and i blamed her for it. It seemed (and still does seem) like all the teachers had put me in abdullah's category........u know the indiscipline category..........but they seemed to like nisha a lot which made me depressed (i get depressed very easily u c)......it isn't because nisha shouldn't b better than me....I'm not like that!
When the t-shirt writing incident happened we all wished u were there....especially me! everyone was upset about being shifted to the first floor and even though they were nice enough not to scream at me i knew they all were mad at me. i felt terrible! i missed u SO much and hated her SO much. a few days ago i saw her( my class teacher) smiling and it surprised me. the first thought that came to my mind was '"oh my gosh! she can smile!" and she started to loosen up a bit and started to have a funny bone. You know the thing is no one can suddenly grow a funny bone over a month, a year may be, but not a month.
i think if i could have loosened up sooner maybe i would have been able notice her sweet smile sooner. i told my self i would always look to the brighter side and i would try to adjust to situations sooner and i told myself i wouldn't be a stick in the mud n i so was..... she is totally different from what u are n i don't expect her to be and even if I'm not the favourite student,even though i might get in trouble, even though i may not b an A+ grade student, even though your no more in IWS, even though i might be an outcast I WILL SURVIVE!

My reply to her mail:

Hey Maya,
I feel so proud of you right now. I just read the email. I think you have expressed what you feel so well.
I feel so bad that I left the school. I was around children like you and the others in the school, and I feel bad that I left you.....
I completely understand what you are going through. And I wish I was there to stand by your side, physically. But even if that is not possible, I am there with you, always.
If you remember, I had told you to see what is good in everyone and every situation. You have been able to do that. And that is one reason why I am proud of you.
About everyone liking Nisha----
I know you are good by heart, so I will never presume that you are jealous or anything like that. But I empathise with you when you tell me the situation you are in - when people like your friend better than they like you. But dont ever let it get to you. You are a gem, dont forget that.

Abdullah......... he is a good boy, just wanting to be in the limelight at times, gets him into trouble. Thats all. : ) But children of your age ought to be like all of you. There is nothing wrong in what you all are. At least I believe that.
And I am so glad that you found a good side to your new class teacher. All of us have bad and good sides to us. It is on an individual to try and see and take in the good, and leave out the bad. And you did it!!!
She must have had to go through a rough time too. She had to take over a class who was so fond of me......
So fond, that it never saw my flaws, so fond that it kept finding me in your class teacher and other teachers, and when it ( your class) didnt find me, it felt lonely and missed me much more......
I feel so bad right now, for leaving such wonderful kids like you......
But I know you are strong, and as you said, you will survive.
Let me tell you, you have much more in you than you think you have. okay? So dont ever, I mean EVER feel low or less important. After all, you have to compete with none other than yourself in life.
Grades(marks) are not the only thing that decides who is a good or a bad student, so take it out of your head that grades are important.
And please keep writing to me. I would be so lost without your mails. I mean it.
You enjoy life and dont be depressed at all, there is no reason for you to be. ta ta. and love you lots : )
-suma

Tell Me Why......

A few days back I had decided that I would learn how to swim. Dhiraj is a great swimmer. So I needed no other coach. We decided to go to the pool after my school. I bought the swimming costume. I put it on and stood in front of the mirror hoping that it dint make me look pathetic. After I got over the initial shock of looking at myself in that skin tight thing, I summed up enough courage to go swimming with my husband, who had to be a supportive husband as well as a swimming coach for me.
The first few days were good. I liked the whole thing a lot. But then there came a time when Dhiraj told me to stop taking the support of the Float and try gliding on my own.
That was when I chickened out. I tried it for a few times, but I just kept going down. Dhiraj kept telling me that I was at the side of the pool where the depth of the water was only about 4 feet. So I could stand up if anything went wrong. But I just couldn’t do it. Didn’t have a clue as to what was stopping me. I could understand what Dhiraj was telling me to do, I realized that unless I let go, I won’t be able to do it. I also understood the mechanics of it. But I couldn’t glide, no matter what.
I stopped going for swimming from that day. It makes me feel like a loser when I say it. But yes, I have not gone back to it again.
I think I have totally forgotten how I learnt to ride a cycle. It must have been traumatic to try and balance and ride it. A ten year old child, learning how to keep her balance and move ahead….. Must have been difficult, I presume.
There must have been the fear of falling; always. But then how did I learn to ride a cycle????? I don’t remember the way I learnt it. But I remember that once I knew how to, I used to keep riding it whenever I could get the time to. I used to go round the colony road endlessly. Never felt tired or bored of it at that time.
So why couldn’t I learn to swim??? Why couldn’t I sum up the courage to just let go…….
Has my age become a barrier?? Or has the time I spent ‘living’ life till now, caused a wall of caution to stop me from anything that might ‘hurt’??????
I wonder……

No-Man's Land

“Surat? Oh good. So now you can buy loads of clothes, I believe Surat is famous for cloth, isn’t it?”
“It must be, but I am not going to Surat. I am going to a place called Suratgarh, its somewhere in Rajasthan.”
“Suratgarh?? Never heard of it.”
“Well, so haven’t I.”

I got married and had to leave the place I had been born and brought up in. Incidentally, I had married the person I loved. He was in the army, so not one place was home for long.
Well, about 10 days after marriage, we packed our bags, bid our goodbyes, shed tears and boarded the train to Suratgarh. I was to leave my parents who were with me for the past 24 years of my life. It was harder than I had thought. But a whole new life lay ahead of me.
Never had I travelled so far. In the train, as we entered Rajasthan, the seat was covered with fine sand, even though the windows were shut!!!! It went in my hair, my eyes, and in my mouth!!!! There was no escaping it.
It took us two trains to reach a place called Ganganagar. From there it was a 60km road drive to the Cantonment area. Suratgarh happened to be another 20 kms ahead of the cantonment, but thankfully that was not our stop.
With the usual fauji custom, an army vehicle had come to the railway station to pick us up. There were some sandwiches and some cold drinks kept in the vehicle for dhiraj and me. That was a welcome relief. But I was dazed. It may have been because of the long journey or the fine sand that made crunchy sounds in my mouth or the heat. All I wanted was to get to the place we were destined to stay for the next two years!!
It took us about an hour to reach the place. We were to stay in a makeshift house. It was hardly a house actually. They had converted a garage into a room. But I didn’t care at that time. All I wanted was to clean up and plop on to the bed, a bed that was stationary…… But for the next two days whenever I slept I had the feeling that I was sleeping on a berth in a train that rattled constantly.
Dhiraj had been posted to this place which was in the middle of nowhere. It was a small cantonment. To one side was Ganganagar (60 kms away). To the other side was Suratgarh ;( 20 kms away) a small city with growth prospects only due to the deployment of the army. The cantonment itself sported not a single shop or a place for an eat-out!!! Outside the gate there were a few shops that sold groceries and essential items. It was quiet a change for me, someone who came from a place called Pune. Any and everything was available back home. There was never a dearth of things and commodities.
But if one overlooked the location as such, I was in heaven. Dhiraj and I had been in love for the past three years. It was a dream to get married and we finally had. Now, it was just the two of us. Life made me sit in her lap and sang sweet songs to me!!
Now, when I look back, I see that it was the best time I have ever had in my life. The beautiful sand dunes, the one and only dhaba; located about 15 kms away on the highway, that served only vegetarian food( to the utter disappointment of my husband), the small bakery in Ganganagar which quenched our thirsts for pastries and biscuits, the rare times when it rained and made our souls full of the scent of the wet earth, the feeling that there was nothing else in the world except for dhiraj and me……
My mind still wanders in the streets of that place sometimes and reminds me of the friends I made and the life I lived in that no-man’s land. For me, it was no longer that anymore. I started my married life there, and I can never ever forget the precious moments I shared with every corner of that place along with Dhiraj.
There were more experiences like this in my life, about which I will talk some other time. : )

Report

"Today, I will announce the best reports" Dandekar sir said this as soon as he entered the classroom. A week back, we were taken to a nearby hill that served the purpose of a small picnic/trek. The next day, at school, we were asked to write a report on our trip. Like 40 others in my class, I had written it and submitted it. Today, the class was quiet as this was something new for us. Besides, Dandekar sir was our principal too. So everyone was serious and silent. Sir called out one name after the other and handed out our report papers to us. While doing so, he was also voicing his remarks on the content. And suddenly, he called out my name.... I sat there tensed and ready for the blows. But none came, or to be true, the blow that came was severe enough to make me cry from within. He called my name and went on to say that I had written an excellent report!!!!!! I just couldnt believe my ears. It felt like I was in a daze, as if all that was happening was unreal. He asked me to read my report and also asked me to explain what I meant by a particular sentence that seemed intense but had skipped his understanding. I explained the what I had meant through those words. But all this was happening to me, to ME!!!!!! Was I worthy of this praise? I came home and read, and re-read my report. It had the words 'excellent report' written on it in red ink. It had got to be real if it was in red ink. That, I believe was the first time I was ever appreciated for anything in school. So it was difficult for me to take it. I remember very well that I had gone home and cried a lot. But till this day and forever till I die, I will never forget what Dandekar sir gave me that day. For me, it was not just a remark, it was a way that I would have totally missed had it not been for him. I think, I still have that paper somewhere in my trunk, yellowed, yet intact.

Twelve years down memory lane

"Hey, Sumita, you have been called upstairs; on the terrace" "Me? Why? Who has called me? "The Principal" "OOhhhhhhhhh!" Some of the students bellowed. My heart was sounding like a drum. I dreaded the worst. I was in high school; 9th if I remember well. Our daily assembly was conducted on the terrace of the school building. The incident took place one fine day(the day was fine, but as I was about to find out..... not for me) just after the assembly. I had just about reached my classroom, when suddenly a classmate came in running and informed me about my 'summons'. I was extremely scared of what was about to follow. I expected something bad was to happen to me as I rarely went through anything good in my school life. As I was walking towards the terrace, I realised that I was not alone.There were a few others with a similar destination --- the terrace. As I entered onto the terrace, I saw the Principal standing there along with a few other teachers. They all had a grim(almost cruel) look on their faces.There were a few other class children who were yet to go to their classes. They gave us looks that made me feel like I am a criminal. I felt like running back down the stairs and out of the building, but didnt. Instead, I went and stood in front of my teachers.All of them seemed to look at me with a wierd expression. I knew that I mustnt have done well in my exams. But why call me like this, for having not scored well? Why make me feel so embarassed in front of my classmates and the children who were still there on that terrace? Well, the reason I was called there (as i rightly guessed) was simple --- I had failed miserably in two of my subjects. The teachers voiced their doubts about my promotion to the next class. And that next class being 10th, made matters even worse. I felt like a total loser. I knew for sure that I was not as stupid as my marks proved me to be. But then, marks were what made all of us likeable or dislikable to teachers and fellow students. Marks sought us labels like intelligent, clever or .... dumb. No one can ever imagine what a child like me went through. I also wanted to get good marks, like others. But I didnt know how. Or rather, now that I think back and look at myself in that situation, I realise that I didnt have enough confidence to believe that I could do it. I always BELIEVED that I couldnt...... My school didnt help me realise my potential. On the contrary, it punished me for what was 'not good' in me. Till date, I cannot take compliments well. I ask myself - 'are these for me? is it possible for me to get compliments'..............

Unforgettable

As I entered the school premises, a child saw me and came running towards me. A few more followed and soon they were all around me, asking me a million questions. Some of them came and hugged me and held my hand. I had a tough time trying to talk to all of them, so as not to make any one of them feel left out. ‘Suma, how are you?’ ‘Why did you leave the school Suma?’ ‘Did you like my project?’ ‘We miss you a lot’ ‘please give us your phone number and email id’ They said these and a million other things. One child wanted to show me that she had recently got braces on her teeth and that she felt they made her look ugly. I told her that she looked beautiful and that brought a smile to her face. Another child was annoyed as I was not in the school on his birthday. I meekly apologized and wished him. Yet another child wanted to know whether I would return to the school and I assured him in the negative. And all this took place just inside the main entrance of the school premises. People who had come to visit the school, parents who had some work in the school office, security guards at the gate, all of them witnessed this. I felt extremely awkward, but the kids didn’t feel that at all. I guess when we are grown up we stop taking things as they are and start analyzing things for no reason, in the process we forget to enjoy what is ‘there’. Never in my life have I been loved and wanted so much. A teacher who saw this scene, came up to me and said," How can you even think of leaving these children who love you so much?" All throughout my school life I tried so hard to set in, to gel, to be a ‘part’, but failed. And now, here I am………..when I quit trying, I have it all in my lap…… I was working with a school as an English mentor for the past one year. The past one year has been the most memorable time of my life. I recently left my job (if one calls it that). The above incident happened when I had gone back to the school for some winding up. The kind of love I got from the students cannot be described. I was just a normal person who mentored children, but these very children made me feel at the top of the world, made me feel that I am an incredible person from within. It is an experience I can never ever forget.